Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize