My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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