took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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