they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
