YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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