when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
