I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
