i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
