apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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