walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
