My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
