He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
