is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
