Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Randomize