he puts the penis in happiness.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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