I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
