i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
