I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
