Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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