um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
