she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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