just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize