Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
