So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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