don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
whose parrot is this?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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