I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We have started to decorate penises.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
how drunk are you?
Several
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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