your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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