he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i love accidental penises.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
