omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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