cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
