i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
