She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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