ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I forgot wine drunk hurts
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
