I bet he comes in French.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
