I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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