I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
