May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
