Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize