Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
