I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
