Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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