That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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