i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
