well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the day after is always just damage control
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
