i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize