I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
