I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
