The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
