I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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