I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
