Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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