you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
