Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
NoShamevember. You game?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
