I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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