hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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