Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
