im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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