You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
