I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
