this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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