I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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