I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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