I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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