Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
