Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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