theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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